Jennie just sent me lots of wonderful photos of her life with my Aunt Joanie that I want to share with you. Can you find AJ in these photos? Can you guess when they were taken???
Carolyn
Wednesday, June 9, 2010
Jennie Singleton Jones and Aunt Joanie
Jennie just sent me lots of wonderful photos of her life with my Aunt Joanie that I want to share with you. Can you find AJ in these photos? Can you guess when they were taken???
Carolyn
Saturday, May 29, 2010
Photos
Here are various photos of Joan from when she was a child to her wedding, to her life with her family and grand children.
Please send me any photos you have to cbates@carolynbates.com so I can post them. Enjoy.
Monday, May 3, 2010
Notes to Bob
1. Robert Rufsvold rrufsvold@pickledish.net
Dear Bob,
Certainly there will be more later from the Rufsvolds than an email, but I just wanted to tell you how sad we are for your loss, and to let you know that we hold you all in our thoughts and prayers.
I read your "last bulletin" to Mom this morning. As it happens, when I called she was listening to Josh Groban... As we talked, "You Raise Me Up" played, a favorite that we played at Dad's memorial service, so we again felt his presence, too. And we talked about what a Blessing it is to have such friends as you and Joanie and Mom and Dad have been for more than 50 years.
We will all be with you in spirit at the Harvard Memorial Church on May 30 and know that the laughter and joy and feasting in celebration of Joanie's life, and your life together, will honor her and keep her alive in the hearts of all who love her.
Blessings and love,
Bob
2. Perry Allison perryallison@yahoo.com
Dear Bob,
I've been thinking about you and hope that you are doing okay. Tom Melander had not heard the news about Joanie, nor had Ryder (although you had sent him the email) so everyone was very sad yesterday to hear.
I wanted to put out an offer and that is for Custom Blend to sing something at the service. I'm sure you have any number of offers for music but since so many of us are "in the family", it would be an honor if it fits with what you are planning. I will call you soon when I am in Boston and come see you.
Sending you big hugs.
Love,
Perry
Perry Allison
978 621 1982- mobile
perryallison@yahoo.com
3. "Ryder, Tom" tryder@hbs.edu
We want to sincerely apologize for not getting in touch with you sooner. I never got your final email. When I saw Perry today she asked if I had talked to you since Joanie had passed. I was stunned. We are so sorry for your loss. But happy that Joanie has ended her suffering. You and the kids did so much for her in the end.
If there is anything that we can do to support you in this time of loss, we will be there for you. Don't hesitate to call. I will call you this week.
Tom and Sherry Ryder
4. Klaus Peschek klaus-peschek@chello.at
Dear Bob,
This brings heartfelt sympathy to you and your family. You and Joanie fought so long and hard.
Thank you for keeping us informed. You mentioned in one of your e-mails that after this is
all over that you plan a trip to Europe-Vienna. I do hope you will. It would be nice to
see you again. Very best wishes, Anne
5. Paul Sperry sperryp@gmail.com
Dear Bob,
I heard about Joanie from Roger Golde a couple of days ago and since then I've been trying to think of what to write you. Since I've been seemingly tongue-or pen or typewriter-tied, I'm resorting to email so as not to delay longer.
When I was with you a few weeks ago, Joanie seemed so like herself, a force of nature, indomitable, that the news came as a total shock. I couldn't imagine she'd every give up or that she could be forced go against her will.
I was just thinking back to college and my friendship with Joanie – it was truly that, a friendship, and terribly important to me to have a girl friend where there was never any interest on either side in her being my girlfriend. It meant that I always felt totally at ease with her, able to share feelings and have a sympathetic ear. I hope she felt the same way. She was special even at that age, which you certainly recognized.
I think we have both been lucky men – we spent many years with an exceptional woman. I feel grateful for what I had, and perhaps because of that, I am still enjoying my new, if different life. I wish you the same and commiserate on your loss. Love to you and all the family,
Paul
6. "Yvonne" vonnibu@aol.com
Dear Bob, So sorry to receive the news but Joanie's at peace now and
I'm sure you may be too after experiencing what she went through.
She and Elwood are having a grand old time talking over old times.
Although we never met, I feel I've known her for ages. I hope you
are doing well and are at peace knowing you did all you could do.
Sincere condolences to you and yours. Yvonne
7. "Anneke Reinhardt" anneke@gate.net
Dear Robert,
When I checked my e-mail messages yesterday I was so sad to
read your last bulletin. Friedel forwarded the last 2 bulletins to me and I am
very, very sad for you. Please extend my condolences to your whole family.
You and I had lost touch over the years, but that didn’t mean
you were not in my heart and thoughts. I wanted to write you yesterday,
but too many thoughts about you and Joan went through my head.
She was super courageous going through all the horrible cancer treatments,
and somehow she accepted what was happening. I know how much you will
always continue to love her. Joan is at peace now, but the emptiness of her
not being there with you will be so terribly difficult for you. As a loving caretaker
your days were so busy and stressful. Even though you did everything with
love, I do understand how much it required of you to be so strong.
Unfortunately, I am too far away to be of any real help, but know that you are very
special in my heart and I hope that as the days go by that you find peace in
your heart and get your strength back, with the help of your children and grand-children.
Fondly,
Anneke Reinhardt-Smuling
1513 Wiley Street
Hollywood, FL. 33020
Anneke@gate.net
8. "Harriet Koch" harrietkoch@charter.net
Dear Bob,
We are devastated. But our sorrow is mitigated by the thought that she is free!
I am terrible at opening my e-mail in a timely fashion, so just got your final Bulletin last night. Couldn't reach you by phone this P. M. but wanted to communicate.
We both send you all our deepest condolences and love. Will talk to you soon, Harriet
9. "Linda Pasquariello" lpasquariello@neurologica.com
Dear Mr. Gartside:
I was very sad to hear about Mrs. Gartside. I spoke with Fred recently and we enjoyed sharing fond memories of her and the tremendous spirit and life she always carried with her. Despite the pain I know everyone can feel God’s incredible strength and peace which he provides when a love one passes. I hope to attend her Memorial Service in May and I look forward to seeing everyone there, and sharing wonderful memories of an amazing woman.
My love and prayers are with you and your family. I am also sending along a big hug…….
Linda Pasquariello (Lombard), and my family.
10. "ergolde" ergolde@gis.net
Bob, I was saddened to learn of Joan's passing. I know she put up a valiant struggle for a number of years. The few times I got her on the phone she was nonetheless cheerful and chatty. Still I suspect the actual loss was probably a jolt when it finally came to pass.
Ellen joins me in sending our deepest condolences and our confidence that you will find a meaningful way to adjust to your altered life pattern.
Roger
roger a golde
ergolde@gis.net
11. "Benito Legarda, Jr." benitolegardajr@yahoo.com
Dear Bob:
Final bulletin came in, just as I feared, at the start of the long easter weekend when everything shuts down here. It is only today, Easter Monday, that I read it.
We who have figuratively shared your vigil all these years now share in your bereavement.
What music will be performed on May 30? Are there any choral numbers with friends participating? I shall be with you at least in spirit. Isn't that also Larry Berman's birthday?
Again, our sincerest condolences, but also joy at a life well lived.
Ben & Lita
(This message was telephoned to the office by Dr. Legarda before he left on a speaking engagement in the south.)
12. geofulshak@aol.com
Dear Robert,
It's been years I know, but I wanted to reach out to you at this time of your loss. While I did not know you wife very well, I have only the best memories of going to your home to accompany singers. I still use "Louie, Louie" with my singers and have an active career in DC as music director and conductor for the major theaters here.
The warmth and caring you shared with your singers I'm sure was a deeply-felt aspect of your life with Joannie. I wish for you only the best and know there is a bounty of caring coming your way.
George Fulginiti-Shakar
Creativity is allowing yourself to make mistakes.
Art is knowing which ones to keep.
~Scott Adams
One good thing about music, when it hits you, you feel no pain.
~Bob Marley
13. Lauren Evans lauren827@gmail.com
Dear Bob,
I just found out this evening from Karen and Rick about Joanie. She certainly put up a good fight My heart goes out to you and your family.
You are in my thoughts and prayers at this very sad time. Please let me know when the memorial service will be.
Love, Lauren Evans
14. Frederick Shriver fhshriver@verizon.net
Dear Bob, I received your message just this afternoon (after returning from visiting with
Courtney and family in Seattle for a week) with the kind of mixed feelings that I know you and
your family experienced to an infinitely greater degree, losing spouse, mother and intimate
sharer of so much life. What endurance, and what relief! I still treasure memories of long ago,
especially the singing, and the meals at the Plaza Athenee, and many times and places in
Cambridge and Boston. Joan was an exceptionally vivid person, and now we know how
strong she was. The description of your last days together made me happy for you, even in
the midst of sadness.
It brought to mind the great Sonnet of WS that Stravinsky set: "Music to hear, why
hears't thou music sadly? ... Mark how one string, sweet husband to another, Strikes each
in each by mutual ordering, Resembling sire, and child, and happy Mother, who all in one,
doth pleasing note do sing."
The memory of your life together, and your children, and Joan's strength will help
carry you on through the sadness and loss.
Yours, Fred
15. Jay Demerath" demerath@soc.umass.edu
Dear Bob;
However expected, the news was numbing nonetheless. Her last words were so memorably
characteristic,though we were pleased to hear how peacefully and seeming painlessly she retired. Of course,
we can imagine your various moods these days. But at some point, why you could do worse
than come out and see us -- just to get away. Meanwhile, we are thinking of you fondly and often,
Jay and Judy
16. Elizabeth Corbett ecorbett@urcad.org
Dear Bob, It's taken me a few days to try to come to grips with a response to the end of Joanie's long and
determined struggle to make the best of the hard bargain fate gave her. I truly believe that you, especially,
and all your family, as well as her superb oncologist, gave Joanie just what she needed to survive so
well through four years of struggle. My first reaction was to sit down to write a letter, but then it occurred
to me that you had used email all during this time to keep all of us posted on the immense ups and
downs you both encountered along the way--so I decided that I could use the same medium to
respond to your last bulletin. I'm sure a special place will be reserved for you alongside Joanie for
all you did to keep her with us so long. I'm glad she left us peacefully and pain free and hope that
you will now be able to find respite and relief from your years of worry and care. We have now both
lost our partners but we will always have the memories of the good times and good music we
enjoyed together--and all the good food and wine we consumed along the way. So many years
of friendship will never be forgotten.
Joanie was always such a "presence" in all she undertook and especially within your family, but
I'm sure you will all help each other to try to overcome your loss. And now, dear Bob, you must
take care of yourself to give you the strength to take over alone the roll you and Joanie shared
for so long as guideposts for the family. My love and deepest sympathy to you all, Betty
17. "Phoebe S. Liebig" liebig@usc.edu
Dear Bob,
Although not unexpected, given your Bulletin 6A and what I gleaned form my phone call with
Joan, I have been saddened by this news and it has taken me a couple of days to process it.
to the point where I can write. I will be there on May 30th and will figure out where to stay, etc.
I will probably come a few days earlier (but not for our 55th reunion and I guess your 60th)
as I want to see my cousin who had a severe stroke last fall and his wife, as well as a couple
of old friends. That would make it possible to me to help out before the actual ceremony,
if you want. On the other hand, that might make too many cooks...
Because I was shelving the R"55 reunion book that just came and found the Milwauke
Downer Seminary 50th reunion book, I went over it--some nice pics of our Joan and
also what she wrote for the book. Will you want those?
I have taken the liberty of sending Jennie Singleton Jones this message you sent me as
J had mentioned her in a couple of our conversations over the past several years.
I didn't see Jennie's name on your email list.
As you can well imagine, you are all in my thoughts constantly. I am so grateful
for the wonderful life the two of you shared and am privileged to have been a wee part of it.
Please keep me posted and I will see you in May.
Love, Phoebe
18. "Koster, Cynthia" CKoster@levi.com
Dear UB,
I needed a moment of peace to send this note, without the usual clamor of work...in the fulness of my heart,
I simply cannot find the words that express how I feel. My experiences with you two were early on,
I was young, you were young, Boston was magic. There was a lot of time that passed after we left
Boston, and I am glad that Amelia finally got to meet you when your life was still close to normal.
You have such a fine way of putting things that even death was full of grace. I do not have that facility.
So, I will leave you with this. You brought your family and friends along with you on this journey and,
like me, look forward to bulletins in the future, this time about the travels and experiences you will have,
happier times in beautiful places.
I have marked my calendar for 5/30 and will be there, couldn't miss it, wouldn't miss it.
All my love and thoughts,
Cindy
19. Judith Ryan jryan@fas.harvard.edu
Dear Bob,
When I got home yesterday I read with great sadness your "last bulletin" about Joanie.
I've been thinking about her and you ever since. What a relief that the dreadful ordeal is
over at long last. Both of you showed immense courage, in spite of all the many frustrations
and the sheer agony over how to proceed in the face of irreversible facts. Your account of
Joanie's last hours is very touching, as were all of your bulletins along the way. I'm glad
that she had no pain as she neared the end, and that you both were able to experience a
moment of affection that will surely stay with you, Bob, as you deal with all those other
things that now must be done. May 30th is engraved on our calendar. How good that
Peter Gomes can conduct the service. I know there will be music. And, of course, the
feast. And many friends.
Do let us know if we can help in any way between now and May 30th. With much love,
Judith
-- Judith Ryan
Robert K. and Dale J. Weary Professor
of German and Comparative Literature
Barker Center 354
Harvard University
Cambridge, MA 02138
20. Carolyn Silva-Sánchez csilvasanchez@gmail.com
Hi Mr. Gartside,
My mother forwarded me the last bulletin, as she has been doing for the past four years.
You and your family are in my thoughts and prayers. I must say that your and Mrs. Gartside's
love for each other was so inspiring, true partners - I hope to find someone to share my life
with in the same way.
I would love to see you next time I am home, I will be back on Baskin Rd. this weekend for
Easter, but I am sure you will be sharing time with your family. I have a break coming up
in two weeks, perhaps we can arrange something then, it has been far too long.
With Love,
Carolyn
21. Arlyn Sanchez Silva silva@emmanuel.edu
Dear Mr. Gartside,
This was a beautiful and inspiring end of life. Our thought and prayers are with you
and your family during this very difficult transition time.
Sincerely,
Arlyn and Francisco Silva (Carolyn's parents)
22. DottyM9005@aol.com
Dear Bob,
My heart goes out to you and all your family! I don't think
I have ever read such a wonderful tribute. May your family and friends
keep you close!
With heartfelt condolences and In loving memory of your dear, dear wife
and the mother of your children and grandchildren,
Dotty
PS: I have noted down Dr. Urban's information.
23. Christopher Purdy" purdy.19@osu.edu
Dear Bob: Is that a stupid question? I am listening to the Poulenc
Gloria and some Machaut masses and thinking of you and Joan
and her new journey and what you have meant to me all these many years.
Love, CP
24. Jeanette Voss jeanette.voss@me.com
Dear Mr. Gartside,
It is with great sadness that I read your last bulletin.
I would like to express our deepest sympathy to you and your
family on the passing of your dear wife Joanie. Although I never
got to meet her much personally, my children speak lovingly and
with loads of respect of her.
Annika and I actually were talking about her on the evening of her
death, her accomplishments, her world travels, all her friends coming
to visit and saying good bye.
It is difficult to put into words all that we would like to tell you
(not all of us are such good writers as you). To me and my
children, both you and Joanie are role models and we can only
hope to be as courageous, tenacious, life asserting and positive
as both of you. I am pretty sure that Joanie has gone on to a
better world and the “people there” better look out!
Annika will of course not come to her lesson this Saturday
so that you can celebrate your wife’s memory with your children.
Please feel free to always call on us if you need anything,
Sadly and warmly,
Jeanette Voss and family
25. patrick.chereau@partnerre.com
Dear Bob,
We, the children of Gab & Suzie, have followed, via information passed by
our parents, the long illness Joan has had to fight and have just learned
she had sadly passed away.
We want to express our most heartfelt feelings and share your sorrow in
this difficult time. We are confident that you will have the strength to
accept the inevitable and find serenity, even if the absence will always
be felt.
We send you our most affectionate thoughts.
Patrick Chereau
Specialty Lines - Senior Underwriter
Partner Reinsurance Europe Limited
Paris Branch
153 rue de Courcelles
75817 - Paris Cedex 17
FRANCE
Phone + 33 1 44 01 17 06 (Direct Line)
Fax + 33 1 44 01 17 90
patrick.chereau@partnerre.com
Dear Bob,
Certainly there will be more later from the Rufsvolds than an email, but I just wanted to tell you how sad we are for your loss, and to let you know that we hold you all in our thoughts and prayers.
I read your "last bulletin" to Mom this morning. As it happens, when I called she was listening to Josh Groban... As we talked, "You Raise Me Up" played, a favorite that we played at Dad's memorial service, so we again felt his presence, too. And we talked about what a Blessing it is to have such friends as you and Joanie and Mom and Dad have been for more than 50 years.
We will all be with you in spirit at the Harvard Memorial Church on May 30 and know that the laughter and joy and feasting in celebration of Joanie's life, and your life together, will honor her and keep her alive in the hearts of all who love her.
Blessings and love,
Bob
2. Perry Allison perryallison@yahoo.com
Dear Bob,
I've been thinking about you and hope that you are doing okay. Tom Melander had not heard the news about Joanie, nor had Ryder (although you had sent him the email) so everyone was very sad yesterday to hear.
I wanted to put out an offer and that is for Custom Blend to sing something at the service. I'm sure you have any number of offers for music but since so many of us are "in the family", it would be an honor if it fits with what you are planning. I will call you soon when I am in Boston and come see you.
Sending you big hugs.
Love,
Perry
Perry Allison
978 621 1982- mobile
perryallison@yahoo.com
3. "Ryder, Tom" tryder@hbs.edu
We want to sincerely apologize for not getting in touch with you sooner. I never got your final email. When I saw Perry today she asked if I had talked to you since Joanie had passed. I was stunned. We are so sorry for your loss. But happy that Joanie has ended her suffering. You and the kids did so much for her in the end.
If there is anything that we can do to support you in this time of loss, we will be there for you. Don't hesitate to call. I will call you this week.
Tom and Sherry Ryder
4. Klaus Peschek klaus-peschek@chello.at
Dear Bob,
This brings heartfelt sympathy to you and your family. You and Joanie fought so long and hard.
Thank you for keeping us informed. You mentioned in one of your e-mails that after this is
all over that you plan a trip to Europe-Vienna. I do hope you will. It would be nice to
see you again. Very best wishes, Anne
5. Paul Sperry sperryp@gmail.com
Dear Bob,
I heard about Joanie from Roger Golde a couple of days ago and since then I've been trying to think of what to write you. Since I've been seemingly tongue-or pen or typewriter-tied, I'm resorting to email so as not to delay longer.
When I was with you a few weeks ago, Joanie seemed so like herself, a force of nature, indomitable, that the news came as a total shock. I couldn't imagine she'd every give up or that she could be forced go against her will.
I was just thinking back to college and my friendship with Joanie – it was truly that, a friendship, and terribly important to me to have a girl friend where there was never any interest on either side in her being my girlfriend. It meant that I always felt totally at ease with her, able to share feelings and have a sympathetic ear. I hope she felt the same way. She was special even at that age, which you certainly recognized.
I think we have both been lucky men – we spent many years with an exceptional woman. I feel grateful for what I had, and perhaps because of that, I am still enjoying my new, if different life. I wish you the same and commiserate on your loss. Love to you and all the family,
Paul
6. "Yvonne" vonnibu@aol.com
Dear Bob, So sorry to receive the news but Joanie's at peace now and
I'm sure you may be too after experiencing what she went through.
She and Elwood are having a grand old time talking over old times.
Although we never met, I feel I've known her for ages. I hope you
are doing well and are at peace knowing you did all you could do.
Sincere condolences to you and yours. Yvonne
7. "Anneke Reinhardt" anneke@gate.net
Dear Robert,
When I checked my e-mail messages yesterday I was so sad to
read your last bulletin. Friedel forwarded the last 2 bulletins to me and I am
very, very sad for you. Please extend my condolences to your whole family.
You and I had lost touch over the years, but that didn’t mean
you were not in my heart and thoughts. I wanted to write you yesterday,
but too many thoughts about you and Joan went through my head.
She was super courageous going through all the horrible cancer treatments,
and somehow she accepted what was happening. I know how much you will
always continue to love her. Joan is at peace now, but the emptiness of her
not being there with you will be so terribly difficult for you. As a loving caretaker
your days were so busy and stressful. Even though you did everything with
love, I do understand how much it required of you to be so strong.
Unfortunately, I am too far away to be of any real help, but know that you are very
special in my heart and I hope that as the days go by that you find peace in
your heart and get your strength back, with the help of your children and grand-children.
Fondly,
Anneke Reinhardt-Smuling
1513 Wiley Street
Hollywood, FL. 33020
Anneke@gate.net
8. "Harriet Koch" harrietkoch@charter.net
Dear Bob,
We are devastated. But our sorrow is mitigated by the thought that she is free!
I am terrible at opening my e-mail in a timely fashion, so just got your final Bulletin last night. Couldn't reach you by phone this P. M. but wanted to communicate.
We both send you all our deepest condolences and love. Will talk to you soon, Harriet
9. "Linda Pasquariello" lpasquariello@neurologica.com
Dear Mr. Gartside:
I was very sad to hear about Mrs. Gartside. I spoke with Fred recently and we enjoyed sharing fond memories of her and the tremendous spirit and life she always carried with her. Despite the pain I know everyone can feel God’s incredible strength and peace which he provides when a love one passes. I hope to attend her Memorial Service in May and I look forward to seeing everyone there, and sharing wonderful memories of an amazing woman.
My love and prayers are with you and your family. I am also sending along a big hug…….
Linda Pasquariello (Lombard), and my family.
10. "ergolde" ergolde@gis.net
Bob, I was saddened to learn of Joan's passing. I know she put up a valiant struggle for a number of years. The few times I got her on the phone she was nonetheless cheerful and chatty. Still I suspect the actual loss was probably a jolt when it finally came to pass.
Ellen joins me in sending our deepest condolences and our confidence that you will find a meaningful way to adjust to your altered life pattern.
Roger
roger a golde
ergolde@gis.net
11. "Benito Legarda, Jr." benitolegardajr@yahoo.com
Dear Bob:
Final bulletin came in, just as I feared, at the start of the long easter weekend when everything shuts down here. It is only today, Easter Monday, that I read it.
We who have figuratively shared your vigil all these years now share in your bereavement.
What music will be performed on May 30? Are there any choral numbers with friends participating? I shall be with you at least in spirit. Isn't that also Larry Berman's birthday?
Again, our sincerest condolences, but also joy at a life well lived.
Ben & Lita
(This message was telephoned to the office by Dr. Legarda before he left on a speaking engagement in the south.)
12. geofulshak@aol.com
Dear Robert,
It's been years I know, but I wanted to reach out to you at this time of your loss. While I did not know you wife very well, I have only the best memories of going to your home to accompany singers. I still use "Louie, Louie" with my singers and have an active career in DC as music director and conductor for the major theaters here.
The warmth and caring you shared with your singers I'm sure was a deeply-felt aspect of your life with Joannie. I wish for you only the best and know there is a bounty of caring coming your way.
George Fulginiti-Shakar
Creativity is allowing yourself to make mistakes.
Art is knowing which ones to keep.
~Scott Adams
One good thing about music, when it hits you, you feel no pain.
~Bob Marley
13. Lauren Evans lauren827@gmail.com
Dear Bob,
I just found out this evening from Karen and Rick about Joanie. She certainly put up a good fight My heart goes out to you and your family.
You are in my thoughts and prayers at this very sad time. Please let me know when the memorial service will be.
Love, Lauren Evans
14. Frederick Shriver fhshriver@verizon.net
Dear Bob, I received your message just this afternoon (after returning from visiting with
Courtney and family in Seattle for a week) with the kind of mixed feelings that I know you and
your family experienced to an infinitely greater degree, losing spouse, mother and intimate
sharer of so much life. What endurance, and what relief! I still treasure memories of long ago,
especially the singing, and the meals at the Plaza Athenee, and many times and places in
Cambridge and Boston. Joan was an exceptionally vivid person, and now we know how
strong she was. The description of your last days together made me happy for you, even in
the midst of sadness.
It brought to mind the great Sonnet of WS that Stravinsky set: "Music to hear, why
hears't thou music sadly? ... Mark how one string, sweet husband to another, Strikes each
in each by mutual ordering, Resembling sire, and child, and happy Mother, who all in one,
doth pleasing note do sing."
The memory of your life together, and your children, and Joan's strength will help
carry you on through the sadness and loss.
Yours, Fred
15. Jay Demerath" demerath@soc.umass.edu
Dear Bob;
However expected, the news was numbing nonetheless. Her last words were so memorably
characteristic,though we were pleased to hear how peacefully and seeming painlessly she retired. Of course,
we can imagine your various moods these days. But at some point, why you could do worse
than come out and see us -- just to get away. Meanwhile, we are thinking of you fondly and often,
Jay and Judy
16. Elizabeth Corbett ecorbett@urcad.org
Dear Bob, It's taken me a few days to try to come to grips with a response to the end of Joanie's long and
determined struggle to make the best of the hard bargain fate gave her. I truly believe that you, especially,
and all your family, as well as her superb oncologist, gave Joanie just what she needed to survive so
well through four years of struggle. My first reaction was to sit down to write a letter, but then it occurred
to me that you had used email all during this time to keep all of us posted on the immense ups and
downs you both encountered along the way--so I decided that I could use the same medium to
respond to your last bulletin. I'm sure a special place will be reserved for you alongside Joanie for
all you did to keep her with us so long. I'm glad she left us peacefully and pain free and hope that
you will now be able to find respite and relief from your years of worry and care. We have now both
lost our partners but we will always have the memories of the good times and good music we
enjoyed together--and all the good food and wine we consumed along the way. So many years
of friendship will never be forgotten.
Joanie was always such a "presence" in all she undertook and especially within your family, but
I'm sure you will all help each other to try to overcome your loss. And now, dear Bob, you must
take care of yourself to give you the strength to take over alone the roll you and Joanie shared
for so long as guideposts for the family. My love and deepest sympathy to you all, Betty
17. "Phoebe S. Liebig" liebig@usc.edu
Dear Bob,
Although not unexpected, given your Bulletin 6A and what I gleaned form my phone call with
Joan, I have been saddened by this news and it has taken me a couple of days to process it.
to the point where I can write. I will be there on May 30th and will figure out where to stay, etc.
I will probably come a few days earlier (but not for our 55th reunion and I guess your 60th)
as I want to see my cousin who had a severe stroke last fall and his wife, as well as a couple
of old friends. That would make it possible to me to help out before the actual ceremony,
if you want. On the other hand, that might make too many cooks...
Because I was shelving the R"55 reunion book that just came and found the Milwauke
Downer Seminary 50th reunion book, I went over it--some nice pics of our Joan and
also what she wrote for the book. Will you want those?
I have taken the liberty of sending Jennie Singleton Jones this message you sent me as
J had mentioned her in a couple of our conversations over the past several years.
I didn't see Jennie's name on your email list.
As you can well imagine, you are all in my thoughts constantly. I am so grateful
for the wonderful life the two of you shared and am privileged to have been a wee part of it.
Please keep me posted and I will see you in May.
Love, Phoebe
18. "Koster, Cynthia" CKoster@levi.com
Dear UB,
I needed a moment of peace to send this note, without the usual clamor of work...in the fulness of my heart,
I simply cannot find the words that express how I feel. My experiences with you two were early on,
I was young, you were young, Boston was magic. There was a lot of time that passed after we left
Boston, and I am glad that Amelia finally got to meet you when your life was still close to normal.
You have such a fine way of putting things that even death was full of grace. I do not have that facility.
So, I will leave you with this. You brought your family and friends along with you on this journey and,
like me, look forward to bulletins in the future, this time about the travels and experiences you will have,
happier times in beautiful places.
I have marked my calendar for 5/30 and will be there, couldn't miss it, wouldn't miss it.
All my love and thoughts,
Cindy
19. Judith Ryan jryan@fas.harvard.edu
Dear Bob,
When I got home yesterday I read with great sadness your "last bulletin" about Joanie.
I've been thinking about her and you ever since. What a relief that the dreadful ordeal is
over at long last. Both of you showed immense courage, in spite of all the many frustrations
and the sheer agony over how to proceed in the face of irreversible facts. Your account of
Joanie's last hours is very touching, as were all of your bulletins along the way. I'm glad
that she had no pain as she neared the end, and that you both were able to experience a
moment of affection that will surely stay with you, Bob, as you deal with all those other
things that now must be done. May 30th is engraved on our calendar. How good that
Peter Gomes can conduct the service. I know there will be music. And, of course, the
feast. And many friends.
Do let us know if we can help in any way between now and May 30th. With much love,
Judith
-- Judith Ryan
Robert K. and Dale J. Weary Professor
of German and Comparative Literature
Barker Center 354
Harvard University
Cambridge, MA 02138
20. Carolyn Silva-Sánchez csilvasanchez@gmail.com
Hi Mr. Gartside,
My mother forwarded me the last bulletin, as she has been doing for the past four years.
You and your family are in my thoughts and prayers. I must say that your and Mrs. Gartside's
love for each other was so inspiring, true partners - I hope to find someone to share my life
with in the same way.
I would love to see you next time I am home, I will be back on Baskin Rd. this weekend for
Easter, but I am sure you will be sharing time with your family. I have a break coming up
in two weeks, perhaps we can arrange something then, it has been far too long.
With Love,
Carolyn
21. Arlyn Sanchez Silva silva@emmanuel.edu
Dear Mr. Gartside,
This was a beautiful and inspiring end of life. Our thought and prayers are with you
and your family during this very difficult transition time.
Sincerely,
Arlyn and Francisco Silva (Carolyn's parents)
22. DottyM9005@aol.com
Dear Bob,
My heart goes out to you and all your family! I don't think
I have ever read such a wonderful tribute. May your family and friends
keep you close!
With heartfelt condolences and In loving memory of your dear, dear wife
and the mother of your children and grandchildren,
Dotty
PS: I have noted down Dr. Urban's information.
23. Christopher Purdy" purdy.19@osu.edu
Dear Bob: Is that a stupid question? I am listening to the Poulenc
Gloria and some Machaut masses and thinking of you and Joan
and her new journey and what you have meant to me all these many years.
Love, CP
24. Jeanette Voss jeanette.voss@me.com
Dear Mr. Gartside,
It is with great sadness that I read your last bulletin.
I would like to express our deepest sympathy to you and your
family on the passing of your dear wife Joanie. Although I never
got to meet her much personally, my children speak lovingly and
with loads of respect of her.
Annika and I actually were talking about her on the evening of her
death, her accomplishments, her world travels, all her friends coming
to visit and saying good bye.
It is difficult to put into words all that we would like to tell you
(not all of us are such good writers as you). To me and my
children, both you and Joanie are role models and we can only
hope to be as courageous, tenacious, life asserting and positive
as both of you. I am pretty sure that Joanie has gone on to a
better world and the “people there” better look out!
Annika will of course not come to her lesson this Saturday
so that you can celebrate your wife’s memory with your children.
Please feel free to always call on us if you need anything,
Sadly and warmly,
Jeanette Voss and family
25. patrick.chereau@partnerre.com
Dear Bob,
We, the children of Gab & Suzie, have followed, via information passed by
our parents, the long illness Joan has had to fight and have just learned
she had sadly passed away.
We want to express our most heartfelt feelings and share your sorrow in
this difficult time. We are confident that you will have the strength to
accept the inevitable and find serenity, even if the absence will always
be felt.
We send you our most affectionate thoughts.
Patrick Chereau
Specialty Lines - Senior Underwriter
Partner Reinsurance Europe Limited
Paris Branch
153 rue de Courcelles
75817 - Paris Cedex 17
FRANCE
Phone + 33 1 44 01 17 06 (Direct Line)
Fax + 33 1 44 01 17 90
patrick.chereau@partnerre.com
Last Bulletin, March 31, 2010, from Robert Gartside
Last night at 7:20p.m. Joanie left us. Happily she was peaceful, and in no pain. Her last words were "It is time to pack it in." There has been a little guardian angel sitting on the table beside her for all these four years and now that little angel is in charge. It has been raining here for three days, and perhaps it was St. Peter, who I am told is in charge of weather, was weeping for her. The night before she died, Katherine and I stayed beside her, and she awakened once, and gave us a playful impish smile. I had never seen that before. Then, when she pulled me to her chest and tousled my hair for about five minutes, I knew a Joanie I had never known before. That strong Lutherism that had so held her in all her life let go, and a new depth of sweetness emerged. Miraculously, in a period of just a few minutes this morning her Memorial Service has been arranged for 12:30 p.m. , May 30 at the Harvard Memorial Church. The Reverend Peter Gomes will lead the service. There will be music, joy, and laughter, for "one must be ready to laugh while one is obliged to weep." We will then all have a feast, for a feast will surely honor her. For those who wish to honor her memory, I can think of nothing better than the fight against pancreatic cancer. I do not want the gifts to go to "administrative costs" so urge you to send whatever you wish to that superlative oncologist who managed to give her four years of life, Dr. John Erban, who will know best where the gifts should go. The address: MGH Cancer Center, Attention John Erban, MD, Gillette Center, Yawkey 9A, 55 Fruit Street, Boston, MA 02114. To all of you who have known and loved her, I send my own love. May your lives be long and happy , as was ours. Bob
Saturday, May 1, 2010
Donor Information
Check payable to: MGH Cancer Center
Attention John Erban, MD,
Gillette Center,
Yawkey 9A,
55 Fruit Street,
Boston, MA 02114.
Dr Erban took excellent care of Joanie.
Memorial Service and Joanie's Last Party, Location and Time.
The service is at 12:30 p.m. on May 30th at Harvard Memorial Church in the Harvard yard, Cambridge, MA.
The reception follows at the Loeb House (I think that’s the name) in Harvard yard. From Katherine
Joanie's Last Party by Bob Gartside
"Joanie's Last Party"
The luncheon after the memorial will be "Joanie's Last Party." I am trying to make it a beautiful feast. However, so that lightening does not come down and strike me because I ordered too little or, conversely, strikes me because I ordered too much and was extravagant, PLEASE let me know if you will be there and how many will be with you! I know many of you are too far away and it is also Memorial Day weekend, so that you may not be able to come, but know that ALL are welcome! There will be a lot of music and a lot of laughter. I think she would like that. Bob
Friday, April 30, 2010
AJ photos from Jennie Jones
Jennie and Joan were great friends from early days in school. Here are some photos she just sent to me.
Dylan Thomas Poem: Do Not Go Gentle into That Good Night
Do Not Go Gentle into That Good Night
Do not go gentle into that good night,
Old age should burn and rage at close of day;
Rage, rage against the dying of the light.
Though wise men at their end know dark is right,
Because their words had forked no lightning they
Do not go gentle into that good night.
Good men, the last wave by, crying how bright
Their frail deeds might have danced in a green bay,
Rage, rage against the dying of the light.
Wild men who caught and sang the sun in flight,
and learn, too late, they grieved it on its way,
Do not go gentle into that good night.
Grave men, near death, who see with blinding sight
Blind eyes could blaze like meteors and be gay,
Rage, rage against the dying of the light.
And you, my father, there on the sad height,
Curse, bless me now with your fierce tears, I pray.
Do not go gentle into that good night.
Rage, rage against the dying of the light.
to AJ from Carolyn L. Bates
AJ
. ..You have been in my life for so long....
I remember being so envious of you, so very beautiful, and marring my favorite uncle. Your wedding was like a fairy tale wedding. Do you remember not having a white cloth to put down the aisle so you could walk on it? My father went out to find one. He saw one being used, and after they were finished, he flipped it over, rolled it up, and brought it back to your church. I believe this held up the wedding for a long time!
My favorite story about you and UB was about the shower that hung from the ceiling in your apartment in Paris. And the time that the drain did not work, and one of you was using the shower watching the water slowly rise inside the cylinder of plastic.
When you and UB came back from Europe , I came over so many times while I was in Cambridge. One time I had a bit of wine to drink, along with a many course dinner for Christmas, including a tapioca pudding that took a week to make, as the pearls had to soak for that long! Going home, I had no clue that my emergency brake was on the whole time! I ruined it permanently! Oh my.
One time upon arriving at your house, you came running out and said, " Don't you dare step on that gold plated lawn. That was going to be my mink coat!! " UB had just had someone roll on an entirely new lawn that day - I loved that you could be funny about it, knowing also that you would have LOVED that mink coat.... .
I had no idea how to cook. My first lesson from you was for chicken stew a la Julia Childs. There were three pages on how to cut up the mushrooms. While I attempted to stretch my 2 pot cooking set into the 5 needed for this stew, you encouraged me over the phone.
And the grandest of all birthdays, you put together so perfectly.
For three days you had UB totally happy, surprised, and laughing every minute, for his 80th. Unexpected guests were showing up, the parties that flowed together one day to the next, and the food, was spectacular.
So many great times...so many memories...I love you AJ.
Carolyn March 26, 2010
PS: AJ you have certainly been a special part of both our lives....a model of how to do things, and perhaps how not to, but always a powerful presence. From Cindy and Carolyn
To AJ from Cindy Koster
AJ,
I am asking C to read this to you, as my farewell....from the time I met you as UB's fiancé, you carved out a place in my heart and my head. You were so elegant, so sophisticated, so beautiful. I talked about being in your wedding for months before, and months after the event, and wore the gold linen shoes to school for the next year, hiding them away in the bushes in front of the house as they were "good" shoes and not allowed for school.
Over the years, you maintained this impression, elegance, sophistication, and beauty, and added to it in so many ways. I saw your humor, your kindness, your sagacity, and sometimes, your sarcasm (the sisters calling your husband "Bobby" long after he left short pants), all of which became "AJ", the fantastic aunt I had living in Lexington. This impression of you, my experiences with you, will always remain in my heart. Here is a kiss.....an embrace.
Cindy
March 26, 2010
Memories and Photos
I first met Aunt Joanie just before she married my favorite Uncle, Bob. My uncle was but 16 years older than I, and I had a HUGE crush on him. I was furious that he was getting married!! (I think my sister, Cindy, felt the same way.) AJ was so beautiful.
At their wedding, my father was the hero of the day, as he found a replacement for the missing white carpet AJ needed to properly walk down the aisle. My sister got to be a flower girl with my cousin, Bug Riesmeyer (Sutton). Having all the guests sign the guest book was my job. My brother, Stewart, and Bug's brother, Duncan, raced each other to see who could eat more carrots, Stewart, or olives, Duncan, at the reception. I believe both were over 200 each when they both raced to the bathroom! AJ's best friend Jennie Jones was the maid of honor.
I am going to put in wedding photos first. And then I will put in various photos of AJ before we met her, including photos of her parents and sister, Marguerite. Later I will add photos of her, my uncle and all of their children, grand children, and friends.
I do hope that AJ's friends and family will email me at:
cbates@carolynbates.com (802-862-5386)
and include memories and photos (please send HUGE jpg files), so that I may add these to this blog as well as put them in the Memorial Service, and in a scrapbook that my mom (Bob's sister, Marie Louise) and my sister (Cindy Bates Koster) and I are assembling as a gift to Bob. Apparently I can get the blog printed into a book as well, for anyone who wants a copy.
When I get the official Memorial for Joan Gartside, I will post that here. I have seen the basic plan that Uncle Bob has put together. It will be a ten star event, not to be missed, with songs, poems, memories, and a piano solo. Sunday May 30, 2010.
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